It's Okay To Be Different! . . . . Understanding ADHD In Teens
Author : Judie Gade

These formative years can be confusing at the best of times. Imagine how it would feel if no-one seemed to understand HOW you were thinking, your parents and teachers are saying "you CAN do better", the kids at school pick on you for absolutely no reason other than that you are YOU! On top of this, you can't concentrate on your school work, it takes you 10 times to read the one page before it sinks in, you do stupid things that you regret immediately after & you are going through the puberty blues to boot!

Welcome to the mind of an ADD/ADHD teenager, especially those who are under-achieving and have social issues.

There is a "sense" of being different amongst most ADD teens and their peers seem to sense it. Sometimes they can be quite brilliant in a particular area, such as sport, art, music, computer studies & science. They have the ability to totally focus on something that interests them, hyper-focusing, not stopping until they are satisfied they can do no better! They can be totally oblivious to what is going on around them in the process. ADHD kids can be perfectionists in their areas of interest although often they have learning disabilities in one way or another. Through being perfectionists, they can tend to be very hard on themselves. Many of our greatest discoveries have been by people exhibiting many ADD traits such as Albert Einstein & Thomas Edison……… even Colonel Sanders!

Boys are more noticeable when they are ADHD & are, therefore, more easily diagnosed, as their behaviour is one of the first clues to put professionals on the right path to diagnosis. Girls, on the other hand, largely go undiagnosed. This could be due to the fact that girls are seen to be more compliant. Boys tend to be a flurry of activity, whilst girls, when they reach puberty, become more disorganised and more easily distracted, which can result in a lack of activity. In a lot of cases females can be daydreamers, staring out the window in their own little world. Words that may be used to describe them by peers are spacey, ditzy, "blonde" or airheads. Parents may describe them as not listening & unmotivated.

Symptoms in boys and girls are not totally the same, although a few may overlap such as:

In general, girls are not so obvious. The aggression & activity is not as pronounced as the boy's; their hyper-activity can present itself in a very different way such as excessive talkativeness, although some may have the aggressive symptoms & appear anti-social.

Time exists in a different way to these kids. They need constant reminders and coping mechanisms such as diaries & watches with alarms. Peer support is important too with a friend or classmate that can help keep them on track or an older student who is admired by their peers to act as a mentor (hopefully there is a mentoring/buddy programme in place). If they have had similar problems in the past, even better! These kids find it hard to cope on their own and need understanding friends & adults who can help them. When totally enthralled in something, time just slips away; they have trouble dragging themselves away from what they are doing. Also note that when so engrossed in what they are doing, that you don't yell at them but rather use a gentle approach. In the 13 to 18 age group, these young adults need a certain amount of control in their lives, so a set of consequences that is decided ultimately by themselves and agreed to can be put in place, if they do not do as is asked. It is important that they know these conditions BEFORE they start the activity.

Boys, if hyperactive, may appear loud, be risk takers, aggressive to peers, disruptive in class, constantly on the move (legs may move constantly). ADHD girls can also exhibit these symptoms. Girls who are hyperactive tend to be incessant talkers, having a mind like a butterfly that starts on one subject and then ending up talking about something completely different in the same sentence! They will constantly talk over the top of people, not letting the other person finish a sentence. This is of course, unintentional, as their brains don't catch up to the action until after the event (i.e.. Talk first - action -, realise they have butted in -brain catches up- SORRY!) Of course boys can be like this too! Often they are the class clown, always ready with a quick and often very appropriate quip that distracts the class from what the teacher is trying to say!

You will find that at times their work submitted shows immense promise, even flashes of brilliance, then they go back to being spacey, seemingly not paying attention, talking & acting inappropriately at times. At times like these, they need help from a friend or teacher to let them realise, in a non-threatening & subtle way, that what they did was inappropriate. I teach these kids friends a fun code word…… like chocolate! Or as I did in an ADHD Teens Life Skills Class….. JOTTA (Big Brother was big at the time!)! Basically anything that grabs their attention and they can associate quickly with an inappropriate action! It takes a bit of time to get used to but with an awards programme in place (otherwise known as bribery!), much can be achieved.

These children often see solutions to problems in a totally unique manner & should be encouraged & praised regularly. You never know, you may have a potential Einstein in your class! The dreamy type of ADD girl will tend to sit up the back of the class, possibly the worst place to sit as she has the students in front to distract her! The boys will do the same as it is also considered "cool" to sit there. To help a child pay attention, take away the distractions such as windows & being seated behind other students. Do not make an example of the child in front of their peers, instead have a word after class to help them solve their problem in a kind a caring manner. Teachers can be very frustrated by these kids, understandably, but have to deal with their frustration to obtain the attention of the child. Never put down an ADD child because of your frustration, especially in front of their peers, as the consequences can be life long. Find a more kinder way of dealing with the situation because if a situation erupts from the mishandling of the situation, it is the teachers fault. With the proper training this is less of an issue.

There are still misconceptions with regards to ADD. Other children's parents may frown upon their children mixing with these children. Other students may call them names, think they are stupid as they do not learn or absorb things as quickly. One of the problems here, is that the child is not thinking of just one way to solve the problem, but may be thinking of various ways to do it! It is a filtering problem, sorting through the ideas to decide on just one. They find it hard to choose ONE as they can find credibility in ALL the solutions they are trying to sort through their overactive minds! Make no doubt about it… it is a gift and should be fostered. Instead of saying "pay attention" ask what are they thinking about! You just may get a surprise & learn something!

Young ADDers tend to get picked on, not only by students but by teachers as well. If teachers are more aware of the differences that these children display, show more patience instead of "losing it" in the classroom, maybe a few more children will reach their full potential & there will be fewer children getting into risk taking behaviours. This is a focusing issue, they learn in different ways to their peers. Some excel academically, their "natural brilliance" often clouding the fact that they have weaknesses in other areas such as organisation &/or social skills. Doing courses & seminars outside of school hours, learn new strategies,  watch training videos from the school to extend your skills; all these things are of the utmost importance. E-mail me privately if you wish. Learn how to get through to these kids and you will have less disruption in the classroom, less stress on yourself, happier students, higher grades & a sense of accomplishment.

Children with ADD/ADHD work extremely well in a "one on one" relationship. Obviously this is not possible these days due to government cutbacks, but if it is possible, these kids can blossom. Paring off a willing student who is doing well in the classroom, with an ADDer classmate in a class or two, could help with their social problems as well as their academic ones. Having willing parents to help these kids is another very viable option. It does not have to their own parent, as sometimes this is not a good option, especially if one or possibly both are ADDers themselves and undiagnosed.

Students with ADHD sometimes find it difficult to sit still. They are able to pay attention more easily if they are moving around. If you need to talk to these kids and have them LISTEN to you, take them for a walk around the school (after school for 15 minutes or during a break) & do not yell at them, no matter how rebellious they are. These children respond extremely well to kind words and gentleness. If you start to yell, they will have a tendency to space out. They cannot help this and will need you to gently bring them back. The stress they are feeling at having to "see the teacher" in the first place only causes them to space out even more. Take the fear away, make them laugh and you will have a keen listener & a loyal student, even if a trying one! You can learn as much from these students, as they can from you, especially for the in future when you are sure to come up against the same problems year after year. Ask the student what helps them to concentrate (it may be something simple like having silence (use good earplugs) & see if it can be implemented into the classroom.

These children often are secluded from their peers, have low self-esteem & feel like losers. On a social level they can be on the outer. Many do not have anyone at home to really talk about how they feel, as it is possible that one, even both,  of the parents is undiagnosed themselves and struggling to cope with the ADHD child. If it is the mother, it is more than likely she is on anti-depressants and has been misdiagnosed. As they grow up, undiagnosed ADDers are more prone to risk taking behaviour such as unprotected sex at an early age, shoplifting, drinking alcohol excessively, taking drugs & criminal behaviour. By nature they can have very addictive personalities & may be extremely impulsive, saying and doing inappropriate things before they have a chance to think about their actions. Sometimes their addictive behaviour may be positive such as in sport, reading, a hobby or interest. Girls often get into art, craft or computer activities and excel. Maybe they are obsessed with getting top marks in school?! But one thing is for sure, many children are getting through the school system because they are not exhibiting the media conception of Attention Deficit Hyper-activity Disorder.

Becoming disheartened by their school performance, hyperactive students may throw themselves into social relationships to compensate. They may become the "clown" of the group to gain popularity and with the opposite sex or they may become a bit promiscuous to gain popularity. Sex (with orgasm) also releases natural stimulants. Stimulant type medications are the main form of treatment, initially, for ADHD. So in a way can be a form of self-medication just like alcohol and illegal drugs such as speed and cocaine. It makes them feel more "in charge" of themselves and also improves their self-esteem momentarily.

So, put yourself in the place of a young person who has attention issues, has self-esteem problems (even though they appear full of confidence... the "I Am's!) then they discover sex  and manage to orgasm. HOW would they feel? They would feel good about themselves as they have had someone who wanted to be with them (even momentarily), someone who was attracted to them; then they have this feeling of clarity and they feel calm. So, instantly their self esteem is on a high and their need for that feeling of aliveness, that ADDers so often pursue, has been satisfied by the instant rise in their dopamine levels (the brain chemical that is mainly responsible for concentration and for feeling good). Throw in impulsivity into the equation and you have a recipe for disaster...... STD's, AIDS, teen pregnancy etc. They may also exercise excessively, another natural stimulant producer, & may be building up their physical appearance or losing large amounts of weight. They can be more prone to eating disorders such as Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia, Compulsive Eating and Obesity. There is nothing about ADHD that is the norm, rather it is in extremes ..... an all or nothing approach.

ADD/ADHD is mainly an inherited disorder. They do not get rid of it, or outgrow it but they can learn to cope & live with it to their full advantage. The first step is school, where they are taught different ways to cope by caring teachers! Once out in the workforce, these kids must face employers that are not so forgiving or willing to help; their school safety net is gone. Their school teacher, & you, are their hope. Education is the key!